Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, it’s been two weeks since my last post.
I’d like to tell you that I have a good excuse, but I don’t. I’ve been in a funk for almost a month. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. This pit has been the pits! It’s self-imposed, mind you. I could have gotten out of it a long time ago, but I have wallowed in it. As a matter of fact, I threw myself a pity party, equipped with balloons, streamers and party favors. I HATE when I let myself stay in that place. This up-and-down roller coaster of weight gain and loss has been a tough one to overcome mentally and spiritually. I had the tools available to fight against it, but I just stared at them laying all around me like I didn’t know how to use them. Why do we do this to ourselves? Sometimes I wonder if God isn’t looking down at me with the palm of His hand against His forehead, shaking His head in frustration. Now, I know He isn’t, but I wouldn’t blame Him if He did.
I’m officially out of the funk, thank you Jesus! I gave myself a good slap on the cheek and yelled, ‘Snap out of it!’ I got tired of being in the pit and pulled myself out. It’s crazy how we allow ourselves to stay in places we are not meant to be. We live well below our station in Christ and don’t wield our spiritual authority as we should. In this journey to health, it’s vitally important that we understand who we are, who we belong to and who stands with us. After talking with other E4M family members, I learned that I was not alone. Quite a few of you have been in the same place as I have been. While talking with Julie one day, she said the word ‘oppression’ and I realized that was exactly what it was. I felt like a dark, heavy blanket was covering my mind, my spirit and my body. Again, I knew what to do to get out from underneath it, but I let my adversary keep me captive in it.
However, I realized that even though I was in this pit, I continued to do as I was supposed to do.
I didn’t allow this oppression to take me back to the place where food was my comfort. I didn’t eat through it to feel better. I also kept going to the gym and continued to workout even when I didn’t feel like it. Even though I wasn’t seeing results, and let me tell you, I was FRUSTRATED and ANGRY about it, I kept going. And finally, when I weighed myself yesterday, I almost fell in the floor. I lost 8.1 pounds in ONE WEEK. I’m officially at my lowest weight in over 10 years!!! The moment I saw that number, God spoke to me and said, ‘This month long struggle with your weight is what you need to remember in your spiritual life. Even when you don’t see Me moving or it doesn’t look like I’ve heard you, just keep doing what my Word tells you to do. You WILL see results if you keep believing and trusting me. If you obey my Word and remain faithful, I will move for you. It’s not in your time, Kellie, but it’s in mine. I am teaching you how to lean on Me when things get hard. I’m teaching you how to depend on Me when things are dark and difficult. Remember this struggle.’
While at lunch Friday afternoon with Sue, through lots of tears, I told her what He spoke to me. I realized that even though I didn’t think I had victory, I did! I just kept the faith, kept believing and trusting Him and He moved for me. She laughingly said, ‘It’s like what Dory said. You just gotta keep swimming.’ She’s right! The key is to just keep swimming. When it’s tough, when it’s hard, when it seems like you are alone and not going anywhere, remember to keep doing what you know to do. I promise you that God will move.
Hebrews 10:23 says ‘Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.’
He is faithful. If you are struggling right now, whether it’s related to this journey to health or not, JUST KEEP SWIMMING. When it’s hard, keep going. When you feel like giving up, keep moving forward. God WILL move for you, in His time.
If you are looking for the answer to your never ending battle with food (whether you eat too much or not enough), this is the place for you!! Join us! We are here to encourage you and help you get to where you want to be.