“Welcome back friends! This week, you are about to be truly inspired and reminded that you are not alone on this journey! We deal with so many “secrets“ when overeating is a stronghold, and portion control often becomes portion distortion! Read on to learn how God is so graciously loving on Kellie, teaching her that fullness can only come from Him, and not food! Be blessed sweet friends, God wants to teach YOU this beautiful lesson too!”
My relationship with portion control has always been a rocky one. Growing up, I was always taught to clean my plate. My parents obviously meant that in reference to the vegetables they would try to get me to eat, but somehow that idea got lost in translation. I would always clean my plate (usually minus the vegetables), get a second helping and clean that plate too. Years and years of my poor mom trying to help me eat less ended up in fights, resentment and hurt feelings. Since food has always brought me a sense of comfort, more food meant more comfort and thus my understanding of what a portion should be was always off balance. Food and I have never had a relationship built around healthy boundaries.
During my previous attempts at weight loss, I would try diets that would allow me to eat as much as I wanted (Atkins, South Beach, etc.), so I would never have to feel that sense of fear and dread that came with portion control. I would only have to say no to a few kinds of food (carbs and sugar), but would still be able to eat without limits. Eat a half pound of bacon? Absolutely! It’s low carb, so it has to be good. Eating cheese without restrictions? Are you kidding? Cheese is my favorite food, and being able to eat a limitless supply was the stuff dreams were made of!
Not only did I struggle with portion control, but feeling full was rare too. I hardly EVER felt full when I ate. I could eat large quantities of food that would shame most competitive eaters and still never experience that full feeling. I realized in the past few weeks that I have ignored that sensation of fullness for most of my life and ate until my feelings got full. Let me tell you, those feelings were bottomless pits. However, I have been working on paying attention to how I am eating – slowing down, chewing more and talking more – so I can give my body time to experience the full sensation. It’s not been easy. But, I’m trying to teach my brain and body to focus on physical fullness and not emotional fullness. Let’s just say the internal war is a hot one and some days I wonder who the victor will be.
Tuesday was such a beautiful day, so Sue and I decided to go out for lunch. Side note: Sue is my best friend and will probably be referenced often. We are attached at the hip. Thought it might be best to introduce her so you didn’t continually ask, ‘Who is Sue? LOL Back to the blog post….While discussing the menu and trying to figure out the best low cal option, we decided to split a lunch portion of food. Now listen, I know God is working just by that decision alone. Previously, I would have hardly considered EATING a lunch portion, let alone splitting one! Once the food arrived and we divvied up the meal, I looked down at the table and saw that my portion fit on a bread plate. A BREAD PLATE, folks. Instantly, that sense of fear of not having enough to eat overwhelmed me. It brought panic. I doubted that I could feel full with such a small portion of food. When I took the last bite, I couldn’t believe it. I felt FULL. I was so excited that I started to tell Sue and a flood of tears ensued. I felt the presence of God right there at that table as His revelation about what happened came pouring from my lips! At that moment, I realized that I was no longer feeding the beast (AKA my emotions). I was finally feeding my physical body alone! The comfort I felt feeding that emotional abyss was not there. The Lord revealed to me why I felt this change: I was letting Him be my comfort and I no longer allowed food to do it! Hallelujah! To some, this may never have been an issue. But for this old girl, it was a stronghold! The Lord is tearing down the altars and high places I’ve built in my life! Talk about victory!
If this struggle sounds familiar, be encouraged today! If I can get victory, SO CAN YOU! Food isn’t meant to replace Him. It’s role is to be fuel, not emotional fulfillment. God wants to be our source of comfort.
If you are done living in bondage to food, join me! The E4M family is here to support, encourage and help you get victory!