Sometimes, I hate the scale.
There. I said it.
I wish I could to tell you that I love to get on the scale every week because it is an opportunity to show my flesh who’s the boss, but that would be a lie. I don’t feel that way every week. Why do I hate the scale? Well, I hate it because some days I feel like I live and die by that number. If the number goes down, I am super excited and can’t wait to start the next week! If the number goes up, I’m mad, frustrated and beat myself up for the rest of the day. Let’s be honest, I do it for the next week too. And let me tell you, I’m practically black and blue at this point. LOL
I hit the 50+ pound loss mark in November. It’s May 2 and I’m now at 48.3 pounds lost. As I said in my last post, my weight has fluctuated 3-5 pounds since November. NOVEMBER, folks. NO. VEM. BERRRRRRRRRRR.
Yes, I’m mad! I am beyond frustrated! But, hear this, and hear this loud and clear, enemy of my soul.
Yeah, I used the word ain’t. It’s not a word normally in my vocabulary, but this ain’t a normal time. HAHA
My journey is NOT going to be led by the number on that contraption. I absolutely refuse to let that be my ruler of success. Yes, of COURSE I want to lose weight. That’s one reason why I joined E4M. But, that’s not the only reason. I joined E4M because I need to deal with these strongholds that have kept me bound the entirety of my life. Strongholds can only be broken when I step aside and allow God right in the middle of my mess. By keeping on keeping on, I’m not only stepping aside to allow God in, I’m running behind Him, tauntingly telling the devil ‘Ooooooooh, you are so gonna get it now. Here He comes. He’s going to take care of youuuuuuuu!’
I firmly believe that what I’m experiencing is a scheme of the devil. He knows my triggers. He knows what traps to lay out in front of me. He’s set this one out more than once and each and every time, I’ve fallen in it and quit. Even though I’m eating healthier and working out more than ever, my weight is still fluctuating. But this time, I didn’t fall into his trap. I HAVEN’T QUIT!! That fact alone is proof positive that God has changed me!! I would have given up months ago! Yet, here I am, still weighing in, still working the plan! What the devil meant for evil, God has turned around for my good!!
What a victory this is! E4M has given me the encouragement and tools to be successful! God is not finished with me yet! One day, I’m going to write a post about hitting the 60 pound weight loss milestone, then 70, then 80 and so on until I hit my goal weight. I can’t wait until that day! But, the real victory is that one major stronghold in my life has been broken – I AM NO LONGER A QUITTER!!!!!
Scale, you and I might not like one another. But I ain’t scared of you. And I ain’t quitting.
Oh and even though those numbers on the dial aren’t lower than they were in November, I want you, Scale, to see this…
When I started E4M, I was wearing a size 28 dress (picture on the left – dated March 2019).
Now, I can wear a size 20 dress (picture on the right – dated April 2020). Even though I’m a few pounds heavier now, I can wear this dress today. I wasn’t able to wear it in November! The inches are melting away even though the scale isn’t showing a positive change!
Just one more victory that God has brought me over you! You aren’t the master of this journey. GOD IS.